Two versions
18 August 2025 08:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
igenlodeI am *still* struggling with Наша честь -- I managed to 'fix' the first verse by rhyming 'infinity' with 'misery' (the original lyrics only do half-rhymes for the 'off' couplets anyway, e.g. то ещё (tò eshcho -- 'something else') with сокровище (sokròvishche -- 'treasure')). I got a credible translation for the start of the second verse as "we've had a tough time of it", by means of repeatedly adding and removing different words when submitting the phrase to an auto-translator, and that is basically covered by the various variants I had there already, as opposed "we still have time", which means something very different!
But I was never very happy with the all-important chorus, and have been repeatedly attempting to find an alternative translation that manages to fit in more of the elements of the original; ideally I aim for verse that is close enough to act as a crib for the original text, but while I achieved that for most of the Red Horse song, this one is much more difficult -- partly (probably largely) because of the tight rhyme-scheme and partly because the subject-matter is more 'elevated' and allusive in the first place.
I finally managed to come up with another version today, but I'm not sure it's an improvement; it incorporates the idea of the 'strings from heaven', but isn't really any closer otherwise. The whole point of the original is the contrast between what *depends on* the whims of Heaven and what depends solely on our own actions, and the 'new' version is even further from that in its conclusion, I think...
[Edit: and I've just double-checked, and the "поднебесной выси" aren't actually strings at all! They are 'high places', which makes sense as высокый means 'high'. And поднебесной is a term for 'things under the sky' which is an old name for 'the world', glossed as 'Middle-Earth'... but it can mean also *either* terrestrial *or* celestial. It's the name for China as 'The Celestrial Empire'.
I'm pretty sure the meaning of those lines *is* that heaven's whims govern everything that happens here below save for personal honour, but it's even more elliptical and allusive than I'd realised. And there is certainly no point to mangling the verse around to refer to 'strings'.]
Original chorus:
Зависит всё, что в мире есть,
От поднебесной выси.
Но наша честь, но наша честь
От нас одних зависит.
Literal translation:
All things that are on this world hang from
The summits under the heavens
But our honour, but our honour
Depends on us alone
Version 1:
The heavens rule this earth below
And all that is upon it
But honour's ours -- and ours alone
The value we set on it
Version 2:
The heavens hold the puppet-strings
That rule all else about us
But honour's ours above all things
And cannot live without us
But I was never very happy with the all-important chorus, and have been repeatedly attempting to find an alternative translation that manages to fit in more of the elements of the original; ideally I aim for verse that is close enough to act as a crib for the original text, but while I achieved that for most of the Red Horse song, this one is much more difficult -- partly (probably largely) because of the tight rhyme-scheme and partly because the subject-matter is more 'elevated' and allusive in the first place.
I finally managed to come up with another version today, but I'm not sure it's an improvement; it incorporates the idea of the 'strings from heaven', but isn't really any closer otherwise. The whole point of the original is the contrast between what *depends on* the whims of Heaven and what depends solely on our own actions, and the 'new' version is even further from that in its conclusion, I think...
[Edit: and I've just double-checked, and the "поднебесной выси" aren't actually strings at all! They are 'high places', which makes sense as высокый means 'high'. And поднебесной is a term for 'things under the sky' which is an old name for 'the world', glossed as 'Middle-Earth'... but it can mean also *either* terrestrial *or* celestial. It's the name for China as 'The Celestrial Empire'.
I'm pretty sure the meaning of those lines *is* that heaven's whims govern everything that happens here below save for personal honour, but it's even more elliptical and allusive than I'd realised. And there is certainly no point to mangling the verse around to refer to 'strings'.]
Original chorus:
Зависит всё, что в мире есть,
От поднебесной выси.
Но наша честь, но наша честь
От нас одних зависит.
Literal translation:
All things that are on this world hang from
The summits under the heavens
But our honour, but our honour
Depends on us alone
Version 1:
The heavens rule this earth below
And all that is upon it
But honour's ours -- and ours alone
The value we set on it
Version 2:
The heavens hold the puppet-strings
That rule all else about us
But honour's ours above all things
And cannot live without us