Grumpy poet's complaint
9 August 2025 05:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
igenlodeHow can it be *this* difficult to translate four lines of poetry? :-(
(Two of them have to rhyme 'properly' and the intervening two have to be at least assonances; the obvious literal equivalent of the second line ("God only knows") is hard to put into any other form, and I can't find anything to rhyme with it that fits the literal meaning of the line it needs to rhyme with; this despite the fact that the line in question occupies vastly more syllables for a very simple concept than it would in English, and yet I really don't want to 'pad it out' by introducing elements that aren't in the original beautifully simple conclusion, or that shift the emphasis from the important word... which *cannot* be at the end of the line, as it is in Russian, because the stresses don't correspond and it won't scan there!)
I'm pretty much going to have to abandon the fragment I've got (as I did, reluctantly, with the chorus, where I'm still not very happy with the result) and construct something completely different, where the changes are not so much 'padding' as an analogous but not literally equivalent idiom. Which is all very well to *say*, but I currently have no idea how to do that either.
(Meanwhile I'm listening to an interview with the lyricist, Leonid Derbenov, who is cheerfully talking about turning out four or five new songs in appropriate styles on command...)
Translators' humour: https://russievirtuelle.com/textes/humour/traducteurs.htm
(from someone who has translated a *lot* of Russian lyrics, including the entirety of the musical Собака на сене featuring Mikhail Boyarsky's song -- but hasn't attempted this one!)
(Two of them have to rhyme 'properly' and the intervening two have to be at least assonances; the obvious literal equivalent of the second line ("God only knows") is hard to put into any other form, and I can't find anything to rhyme with it that fits the literal meaning of the line it needs to rhyme with; this despite the fact that the line in question occupies vastly more syllables for a very simple concept than it would in English, and yet I really don't want to 'pad it out' by introducing elements that aren't in the original beautifully simple conclusion, or that shift the emphasis from the important word... which *cannot* be at the end of the line, as it is in Russian, because the stresses don't correspond and it won't scan there!)
I'm pretty much going to have to abandon the fragment I've got (as I did, reluctantly, with the chorus, where I'm still not very happy with the result) and construct something completely different, where the changes are not so much 'padding' as an analogous but not literally equivalent idiom. Which is all very well to *say*, but I currently have no idea how to do that either.
(Meanwhile I'm listening to an interview with the lyricist, Leonid Derbenov, who is cheerfully talking about turning out four or five new songs in appropriate styles on command...)
Translators' humour: https://russievirtuelle.com/textes/humour/traducteurs.htm
(from someone who has translated a *lot* of Russian lyrics, including the entirety of the musical Собака на сене featuring Mikhail Boyarsky's song -- but hasn't attempted this one!)
1. Donne-moi d'abord le contexte.
2. Il me faut le contexte.
3. Non, c'est pas possible de traduire ce mot-là sans le contexte, donne-le moi enfin!
[...]
20. Les espaces aussi sont des signes. Tu ne veux pas payer pour les espaces? D'accord, tu les mettras tout seul. Mais après ne viens pas te plaindre que l'espace inséré par tes soins au milieu de l'adverbe "quoique" change le sens de la phrase.
[...]
23. Quoi? La salade, le dessert?.. Attends, je n'ai pas fini de rigoler en lisant cette traduction du menu, commande quelque chose pour moi.
[...]
26. Toi, tu te moques des films sur les hackers, laisse-moi me moquer des films sur les traducteurs.
[..]
29. Je suis sûr [...] que "left, right now" ne signifie pas "à gauche et maintenant à droite".
[...]
44. Ne fais pas de bruits forts près de mon oreille et ne raconte pas de blagues. Je me trouve dans une autre réalité et je préférerais ne pas la quitter avant la fin du paragraphe.
[...]
60. Je fais des traductions rapides, de qualité et pas trop chères. Deux de ces critères maximum par commande, à préciser d'avance.