Scary Pokèmon... not
22 February 2020 03:00 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
igenlodeMore boastful rewriting of other people's work :-(
That was an attempt at writing a 'scary' scene, but I'm not sure the author had thought through the practicalities of the setting, and it's an awkward mix of purple prose saying how scary it ought to be and schoolboy stuff ("his body's stinky odour", evil laughter presented phonetically).
A thick fog swept over him, leaving him blind and vulnerable. Ash stared round in a panic. From somewhere all too close there came a screaming cry that sent a cold shudder down his spine against his will.
Abruptly, the lights went out and he was alone with Pidgeot in the dark. He could feel her trembling amidst low grunts of distress, the kind that only ever meant an opponent way out of her league. His own heart was pounding so loud their unseen enemy must surely be able to pinpoint them by that sound alone, and he could almost feel the reek of stale sweat that had to be rolling off his clothes. Anything with a sense of smell could probably home in on him from sixty paces.
He fought down the instinct to turn and bolt. There was a whirring sound nearby, and after a moment or two dim bulbs crackled into life along the walls. Ash released a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. That was better -- infinitely better than nothing.
But the faint pools of light didn't make any difference to the cold, or to the stark shadows that gathered in the fog beyond. The arena seemed both to have grown to a vast size and to be closing in around him. When an eerie peal of laughter rang out, high and gloating, his knees nearly gave way.
Two horns of ice surfacing through the blurring haze. A crystal-blue flicker that had to be eyes. A white cloak that shrouded an empty form, with a mask for a head and yawning voids for eyes and mouth, and only that wicked blue light dancing deep within.
The fog dissipated, slowly. Viola was smiling at him, utterly without humour. "Meet Froslass, my photography partner."
Froslass blew a ghoulish kiss at Pidgeot, and the air around them seemed to burn with cold. For a second or two -- though it felt like all eternity -- Ash found he couldn't even open his throat enough to breathe.
Gasping, he fumbled for his smartphone with numbed fingers that might as well have belonged to someone else entirely.
"Froslass, the Snow Land Pokémon. Ice-Ghost type, female.
"It freezes its foe with an ice breath nearly -60 degrees F. What seems to be its body is hollow. Legends say that women lost in icy mountains are reborn as Froslass."
Ash gulped, the pit of his stomach dropping away. This wasn't any mere Gym Leader level Pokémon. She was something infinitely more pitiless and terrible, and her gaze clawed at his soul even as her laughter slid icy blades into his heart.
"Too bad, your best will see defeat today. This Pokémon will show you what real composure is." Viola chucked a Pokéball. It bounced off the icy terrain, back into her hand.
A thick fog developed, covering the field and Ash couldn't see even an inch through it.
A sinister screech, and chills crept up his spine.
The doors slammed shut and floodlights exploded. Motorized curtains unwound and shrouded the ceiling, masking even the giant crater in it, barring even a single ray of light from penetrating inside.
Shadows took over, and malevolence had gained dominance. It was pitch black and eeriness loomed in the air.
A bitter cold circulated, raising goosebumps on Ash's skin like his arm hairs had received a death threat.
Pidgeot shivered and made vibrating grunts, the type of sounds he only heard her make when facing an opponent way out of her league.
Whirring sounds from nearby, and Ash's heart pounded. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. Thump. It was ready to explode. His body's stinky odour was perceivable for the first time, a reminder that he hadn't showered in almost three days.
Crackles, and incandescent bulbs lit along the wall rims. Ash released his held breath. That's where those sounds came from. At least now there was some light, no matter how insufficient; it was better than complete darkness.
The coldness heightened. The tress rustled. The air died. Even nature seemed afraid of what was to come.
"Eh-he-he-he," an evil laugh, an echoing bellow of demise. Amethyst eyes gleamed through the wintry fog, and two crystalline ice horns surfaced above it. The visual crumpled Ash's knees and despite the arena's spaciousness, he felt inconveniently claustrophobic.
The fog slowly vaporized and the Pokémon finally showed itself. A white cloak over a soulless body and a mask with three dark voids and for a second Ash thought blackholes had unified to form a triad.
"Meet Froslass, my photography partner," Viola said, her face illuminated by the warm lights.
Froslass blew a ghoulish kiss at Pidgeot. A stinging rush of chilly wind swept over.
Ash's breath rasped and his twitching fingers gripped the railing; the metal ironically felt warmer than the surroundings. His free hand fished for his smartphone.
"Froslass, the Snow Land Pokémon. Ice-Ghost type, female.
"It freezes its foe with an ice breath nearly -60 degrees F. What seems to be its body is hollow. Legends say that women lost in icy mountains are reborn as Froslass."
Ash gulped and wiped the frost on his brow. This wasn't any Gym Leader level Pokémon; she was much more than that. Her breath, colder than eyes of a psychotic serial killer during his final strike. Her charnel gaze, clawing into him and feeding on the very soul that she had lacked. Even a mere whisper of her voice could freeze a child's heart.
That was an attempt at writing a 'scary' scene, but I'm not sure the author had thought through the practicalities of the setting, and it's an awkward mix of purple prose saying how scary it ought to be and schoolboy stuff ("his body's stinky odour", evil laughter presented phonetically).
A thick fog swept over him, leaving him blind and vulnerable. Ash stared round in a panic. From somewhere all too close there came a screaming cry that sent a cold shudder down his spine against his will.
Abruptly, the lights went out and he was alone with Pidgeot in the dark. He could feel her trembling amidst low grunts of distress, the kind that only ever meant an opponent way out of her league. His own heart was pounding so loud their unseen enemy must surely be able to pinpoint them by that sound alone, and he could almost feel the reek of stale sweat that had to be rolling off his clothes. Anything with a sense of smell could probably home in on him from sixty paces.
He fought down the instinct to turn and bolt. There was a whirring sound nearby, and after a moment or two dim bulbs crackled into life along the walls. Ash released a breath he didn't even know he'd been holding. That was better -- infinitely better than nothing.
But the faint pools of light didn't make any difference to the cold, or to the stark shadows that gathered in the fog beyond. The arena seemed both to have grown to a vast size and to be closing in around him. When an eerie peal of laughter rang out, high and gloating, his knees nearly gave way.
Two horns of ice surfacing through the blurring haze. A crystal-blue flicker that had to be eyes. A white cloak that shrouded an empty form, with a mask for a head and yawning voids for eyes and mouth, and only that wicked blue light dancing deep within.
The fog dissipated, slowly. Viola was smiling at him, utterly without humour. "Meet Froslass, my photography partner."
Froslass blew a ghoulish kiss at Pidgeot, and the air around them seemed to burn with cold. For a second or two -- though it felt like all eternity -- Ash found he couldn't even open his throat enough to breathe.
Gasping, he fumbled for his smartphone with numbed fingers that might as well have belonged to someone else entirely.
"Froslass, the Snow Land Pokémon. Ice-Ghost type, female.
"It freezes its foe with an ice breath nearly -60 degrees F. What seems to be its body is hollow. Legends say that women lost in icy mountains are reborn as Froslass."
Ash gulped, the pit of his stomach dropping away. This wasn't any mere Gym Leader level Pokémon. She was something infinitely more pitiless and terrible, and her gaze clawed at his soul even as her laughter slid icy blades into his heart.
