He said, she said
9 November 2022 06:01 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
igenlodeThe anti-said brigade (who would be more convincing if they were more literate):
Do I want to read this timeless epic? No, I do not.
Trying for a 'super intense' rewrite, as described:
"Don't die." He stared down desperately into eyes that were already glazing, tightening his grip as if to ward off the inevitable by sheer force of will. "You can't do this to me, do you hear? I won't have it. Don't you dare-- don't--"
But Talke's head fell back heavily, and the ragged words ripped into a scream that was swallowed by the shellfire overhead.
Your telling me, somone is writing a super intense scene about loosing their best friend in a warzone, firefights overhead and chaos all around them:
"Don't die on me." He said.
or
"Don't die on me!" He Screamed!
WHICH IS BETTER!?!?!
Do I want to read this timeless epic? No, I do not.
Trying for a 'super intense' rewrite, as described:
"Don't die." He stared down desperately into eyes that were already glazing, tightening his grip as if to ward off the inevitable by sheer force of will. "You can't do this to me, do you hear? I won't have it. Don't you dare-- don't--"
But Talke's head fell back heavily, and the ragged words ripped into a scream that was swallowed by the shellfire overhead.
no subject
Date: 2022-11-11 07:36 pm (UTC)