Well, I've tweaked "Only this time Raoul was with her" to "Only this time Raoul was with her again", and altered "You can dance!" to "I can't believe how well you dance", and "Why else would I have asked?" to "Why else would I have come?", which I think is adequate in the surrounding context to shift the implications of the scene as written so far. I'll just have to write the rest of it with the idea in mind that they've done all those lifts and stuff before, and that it's a question of this time rather than never having ventured to try; a bit awkward, given that the pivotal moment was supposed to be the parallel of trusting him to support her, but I think it can probably be made to work...
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2017-09-08 12:37 pm (UTC)I'll just have to write the rest of it with the idea in mind that they've done all those lifts and stuff before, and that it's a question of this time rather than never having ventured to try; a bit awkward, given that the pivotal moment was supposed to be the parallel of trusting him to support her, but I think it can probably be made to work...