I remember reading this a long time ago, and it looks as if I never got to comment on it.
I like your rewrite so much! And I love how you kept some of the original elements and reworked them into this new iteration. Somehow, it feels like the right balance between description and everything else. It's evocative without being overbearing.
I must say I fully agree with you that it's difficult to write descriptions in a second language. I mean, peacock eyes sounded lovely to me. XD I find the author's effort to create vivid imagery admirable.
Re. descriptions in a second language, I'm quite lucky I decided at some point that I prefer minimalistic descriptions, since I'm now considerably less exposed to the temptation of coming up with awkward wording. :P
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2022-07-25 11:18 pm (UTC)I remember reading this a long time ago, and it looks as if I never got to comment on it.
I like your rewrite so much! And I love how you kept some of the original elements and reworked them into this new iteration. Somehow, it feels like the right balance between description and everything else. It's evocative without being overbearing.
I must say I fully agree with you that it's difficult to write descriptions in a second language. I mean, peacock eyes sounded lovely to me. XD I find the author's effort to create vivid imagery admirable.
Re. descriptions in a second language, I'm quite lucky I decided at some point that I prefer minimalistic descriptions, since I'm now considerably less exposed to the temptation of coming up with awkward wording. :P